went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
