I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
