Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
