Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
