How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
