Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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