Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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