my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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