So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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