Cold hands, warm shart.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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