Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
