from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
