i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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