When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
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I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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