We're facebook friends in real life
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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