I met the friendliest cop last night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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