Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
