I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
