They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
