our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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