i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
