he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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