I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Small penises have feelings too.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
