i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
