I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
