if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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