I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
