it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
