another moral hangover. fuck.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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