everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
