OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
