He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
