Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize