We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
