Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
