Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm lost and stupid without you.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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