I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am available for nakedness
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
