you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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