it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am one with the molecules
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
