I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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