so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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