I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
