It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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