READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
