you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
