you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
