I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
