i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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