Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
