i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
