i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize