That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We are two peas in an std pod
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
