Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
