Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
