guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
