I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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