Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
