Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
