You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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