I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
