How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
