It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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