we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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