so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we're making bets on your personal life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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