My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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