so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
