He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
