I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
