we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
