i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
