I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
