i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
