I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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