Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
