my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
