I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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