happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
