So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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