Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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