She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
