unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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