But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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