U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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