a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
