come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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