One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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