i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
