dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
