okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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